some old, some new – all sarcasm



A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Basic research is what I’m doing, when I don’t know what I’m doing.

Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.

I intend to live forever – so far, so good.

I like work, It fascinates me! I can sit and look at it for hours.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

People are seldom too busy to stop and tell you how busy they are.

People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.

Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

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