Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
If you plugged your nose and your mouth while you sneezed, would it come out of your ears or would your head explode?
Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?