General

sarcasm today….

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if
you just sit there.

I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then
I say it’s in a jar on my desk.” – Stephen King

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.” –
Britney Spears

D.A.R.E. Drugs Are Really Expensive!

I need patience. NOW!

Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can’t remember

How can there be self-help GROUPS?

What if you’re in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do
you tell them to go?

Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put
money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Is there another word for synonym?

Who’s cruel idea was is to put the ‘s’ in lisp?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Does Mr. Rogers really want us to be his neighbor?

Why do doctors call what they do practice?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If they’re psychic and I need them so much, why don’t they
just phone me?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their
signs?

Time flies… after you hit the snooze button

You can’t tell a book by its movie

If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the
instructions.

Here’s a Quarter, call somebody who cares

Save Your Breath … You’ll need it to blow up your date

Hey! Quit hogging all the ugly!

 

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