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The Best Smart Ass Answers

 

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was meal time during an airline flight.

‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John,
seated in front.

‘What are my choices?’ John asked.

‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir,
I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’ The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am,
they’re dead.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all
day,’ the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could.’

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed
a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in
front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck,
huh?’ The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of
gas.’

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final
exam.. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury,
illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses
whatsoever!’ A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?’ The entire class is reduced to laughter and

Snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled
knowingly at the

student, shook her head and sweetly said,

‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other
hand.’

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She
is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect..

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