Short Letters….

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.

Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood

pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.

Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely, Canada

Dear Yahoo,

I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…

Sincerely, Google

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely, 1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can’t touch this.

Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.

Sincerely, BP

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely, God

Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear NickAll of you,

That’s enough.

Sincerely, The World

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain… one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.

Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely, Superman 

Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies 

Dear Global Warming,

You’re the best imaginary friend ever!

Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,

You’re welcome.

Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because

some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?

Sincerely, The Mayans

Dear White People,

Don’t you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely, Native Americans

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely, Terrified

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up…

Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,

It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely, Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely, Dr. Pepper