We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Dear NickAll of you,
Sincerely, The World
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
Dear Ugly People,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up…
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper