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Love, Chapter two

Let’s talk about some love myths today.  “everybody has one soul mate”, “true lovers can read each other’s minds”, “all you need is love”…. So on and so on and so on…. If we could each pick a few songs to totally banish from our playlists it, perhaps, could be some of those soggy refrains that say there is one… and only one… true love for each of us; our better half, our shining knight, the person we’ll be lost without…. You know the ones I am talking about.  They all refer to scarcity.  Recently, folks finally started to write about this scarcity model.

In the scarcity model, where there is only one person out there, we are all competing for the person who “fits” our dreams.  Our relationships become fear based; we obsess and clutch instead of creating an environment in which two people can try to unfold.

Love is the ideological bone women have been thrown, and agree with or not, men often get the real power while women are fed the false promises of “Cinderella” romance that someone special will shower us with attention, give us our identity, read our mind and intuit our needs.  Although mind reading is useful between a mother and an infant… it is not useful in a personal relationship between adults.  When you want someone who can anticipate your thoughts and desires, you might just be looking for an idealized parent…. Hmmmmmmmmm  what a thought, huh?  The craving for that kind of attention is pretty darned rampant…. We all want to feel special and dear — and feel sweetness and tenderness… but if the relationship that is built upon that end, a person will end up feeling like a child who has been abandoned and lost.  Now, I am saying women are the one being thrown the bone, but it can actually happen both ways…. So don’t get on my case here… I am just giving examples.

So where to start… first of all the precondition for a lasting personal love is a good relationship with yourself.  It is when you view yourself as powerless, with your worth dependent on how someone else treats you, that love gets corrupted.  Letting someone else determine who you are is the negative hinge that turns desire into vulnerability, changes your body from sites of pleasure to sites of betrayal and transforms solitude into loneliness.  And, perhaps, when someone ways they are lonely, maybe, just maybe… they are saying that they don’t like their own company.  When you don’t like your own company… male or female… you are pretty much the victim of whoever passes by.

How about creating abundant lives for ourselves and subscribe to a full life… a little of this and a little of that… friends, work, arts, community.  Where one makes a mistake is when we believe we can only get a full life from another.

There is no scarcity of love… god love and personal love… we can find it with our coworkers, with our friends, families, etc. We can love what the world offers us; we can love our own vitality.  And… AND we can have a personal, passionate love between individuals, where you open your heart and soul and you can be yourself… your younger self, your mid age self, your older self.  You can be YOU.  The relationship is an “emotional peership” between partners who are already working toward becoming fuller and fuller individuals….  Get that word…. Individuals… two together make 2… not 1.

Such a union requires both heart and mind… not just attraction…. Often what we call chemistry is a mix of familiarity and anxiety, and it can be an excuse for not having to think.  Feelings are great, but we also have brains so we can decide what to do with those feelings.

Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different backgrounds and cultures always refer to their fascination in meeting one day their “soul mates”. Is Soul Mate a myth?  Do they really exist?  Or is Soul Mate a figment of our own imagination that can help keep our hope for a perfect relationship and keep our hope alive.  Or is it an escape way for not dealing or not looking at ourselves in such a way that we keep delaying our responsibilities and things can be “fixed” when we meet that perfect relationship with those “soul mates”. 

If we talk in such metaphysics tone of words used, we will say we are all coming from the same source, …. Branching out into different ventures or experiences to achieve. Hmmmmmmmmm

So how to define “soul mates”…. Soul Mate is another soul that will share the same exact similar way of understanding as the other soul in this lifetime… so they decide to share their growth and understanding together.  It does NOT mean, necessarily, that Soul Mates have to be in a relationship to make it work.  What in the heck do I mean by that?  A soul will integrate into life through a particular family, geography, religion or situation for certain reasons.  I do believe we choose our family, we choose our religion (faith) and we choose where we want to be born.

So let’s start with our choice of a family to be born with.  If each one of us look deeper into our families there must be at least one person and many times there are more in our immediate family or extended family that we feel different with.  That person can be your father, mother, sister, niece, cousin, etc.  It really does not matter who that person is but that person is probably one of your soul mates… (yes… the s is on purpose).  You will enjoy being in their company, listening to them and value them.  Those experiences with soul mates… start at a very young age.  Then we grow up… and have one or two particular friends around us… we relate to….then we go onto dating…. That is when the game begins…

We need to understand one thing when it comes to relationships, as long as we do not rush ourselves into a relationship for a wrong reason… what the person looks like, who is his/her family, how rich they are, how cute they are, how educations they are, etc….. but truly just enjoying the process… then it is very possibly a “soul mate”.

With soul mates, there is no karma to deal with or work at… all you have is an enjoyment of being in each other’s company.  The one thing you know about your soul mate is whenever you are in need, they are always there for whatever reason….

I have come across three levels of soul mates…. Just take this for information… don’t go off on a tangent here…. Just information:

  1. Level one:  Your mirrored image… these are a rare example.  However, it is possible that they do exist in each of our lives at one point or another.  We might have one or two in a lifetime from this category, if we are lucky!!! What makes them special?  Soul mates of this sort come into our life in a fast, weird and unexpected way.  The situations and events in our lives begin to change of their own accord, in order to accommodate the arrival and the reunion of both souls.  In such a case such as this, it can almost be said that it is “written in the stars”. Both souls have to be ready for each other.  This level is the strongest and most powerful type of soul mate.  They do have many similar interests and share an almost equal interest in their life direction.  They will think alike and in many cases, will be able to continue speaking a sentence where the other one has left off.  They are a mirror of each other, although they do not have to be exactly the same.  However, each one compliments the other with their individual strengths and weaknesses and they will understand each other by being on the same “wavelength.”
  2. Level two – your provider.  Soul mates of this sort are everywhere around you.  Try to take a deeper look at the people who surround you.  Just look around when you are in dire need of help or guidance in a “life or death” situation or at a time when you have a heavy burden on your shoulders.  Who is around you and ready to listen to you when you really need their assistance?  Think of the people who bring you comfort and peace when you need it or who answer your call when you need some help.  These types of soul mates do have unconditional love towards each other which can sometimes be difficult to comprehend.  Is there someone in your life you can relate to being there in that fashion?
  3. Level three – your provider.  We encounter these types of soul mates in situations that might feel “weird” or perhaps in some un-expected places.  We like to refer to them, sometimes, as being our angels.  If they occur, they usually will not stay in our lies for a great length of time.  You might come across a soul mate of this kind when you are just wandering along the street, thinking away to yourself and from nowhere someone will provide you with a small message that will open up a possible answer to those “thoughts” you have surrounding certain circumstances in your life.  These soul mates are place on your path “out of the blue” and we might never see their faces again.  We then just carry on, feeling blessed at having had them in our life at that very necessary moment… be it an instant, an hour, a day, a week, a month, etc.  Their role is to provide us with an answer or a push toward making a small decision in order to keep us moving in our lives and struggles at that time.  Can you relate to such an occurrence in your life?

When we are asked, “Will I ever meet my soul mate(s)?  The “other side” replies “You keep searching through your life for the perfect partner for you, but, have you ever questioned if you are a good example of a soul mate for someone else?”  In reality, the importance is not in the hunting to find the right soul mate or partner for you.  The importance is in whether you are willing to be the “right” soul mate or partner for someone else.  Life is a two way street…  In the end, we all can be the “right: soul mate for anyone we chose in our life, but only when we are ready to treat our partner as a human being, as a soul and to cherish every moment spent with them.  Also, it is crucial that we learn to let go of the fact that we do have differences between us .How ready are you?  That is the bottom line.  The search has to start from within you.

From my “learnings” from the folks on the other side about soul mates is that they are everywhere around us and we have been blessed since the day we were born.  How much real attention do we pay to the people around us?  I sometimes think that most of the time we do take these people for granted?  Why?  One main reason is because we become too self-absorbed, leading us to disregard those very people around us who provide us with help, who listen to us and generally do sympathize with us in our time of need.  After all, it is not only about providing someone with sympathy, but about acknowledging people for who they really are.

So that is my take on soul mates…. Go within first… Makes friends with YOU first….

Coffee… man, this is a long one!!! Thank for joining me….

2 thoughts on “Love, Chapter two”

  1. What a wonderful and thoughtful clarification about love and soul mates. Wouldn’t it be a different world if everyone loved themselves? Would we even recognize this world.

  2. I also had a big ah-ha when you described the soul mates in our immediate family. Very interesting!

    Personally I had pretty much given up on this whole issue many years ago, deciding I was all I had. Maybe I could rethink that decision with a focus on readying myself to be a good soulmate. Worth considering. Thanks!

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