So I have a fear of the unknown (this time I am talking about my writing … it being not being “good enough”, grammatical enough, etc)… I have always had it – this underlying fear of not being good enough… the unknown – am I good enough not to hide????)… It is becoming less and less as I have made a concentrated effort on not letting my fear control me. I have always wanted to write.
When I started this journey I thought, “What if I don’t need courage? What if I don’t need to get over myself? What if that thing that is holding me back, that thing I think I need in order to get I want, what if I don’t have to have it or do it?” …and what in the heck is “that thing” anyway?
I’m serious… I thought to myself, “I just won’t do it. I won’t leap that hurdle. I won’t knock any walls, I will go around it. It might be the long way around, sure, but it will still get me there.”
I travelled that road called “Avoiding Scary Things”. I don’t know if it is the road more or less travelled – and this advice and this path is most certainly counter-intuitive – but it got me where I needed to go.
So over 20 years ago, we started a business. We actually didn’t tell many folks and did all of our marketing via word of mouth. So far… a windy path… then I started writing newsletters… hoping with all my heart that folks would just read the content and not worry about all my imperfections…. It was sent out snail mail for years until we developed an email list and started sending out the “Muse” via email.
But I was still writing… maybe not earning money, but certainly writing. The whole business of writing scared me. I love to write. I have always dreams of writing, but I’m not so great at braving rejection.
So many years, I did nothing… academic writing, yes, lots and lots and lots of it… but I don’t consider that writing. The kind of free-flowing writing I wanted to do was undo-able. So I decided to lead with my strengths… I did the thing everyone tells you NOT to do. I didn’t take writing classes or join writing groups. I just decided to write, send out newsletters (in the early 90s) and they would read it. So I wrote and people read… WOW.
Then came Sue (our illustrious webmaster) who set up my blog… I left it empty for years and just kept writing newsletters… then, one day in January… we knew we had to “do” our business different so I began to do what scares the beejeebees out of me… writing and exposing myself. This is how I am conquering my fear… I am doing the “do”… yes, I still fear rejection and criticism… but I am fearing it less. AND, my fear of being photographed and videotaped???? I am doing that, too…. Can’t say I like it, but I certainly fear it less.
Well, what I don’t fear????? Yah… coffee… I am off…
What do you fear and what are YOU doing about it?