Life Skills

How to help someone by “holding space”

We have all been called upon at one time or another to help a loved one through a difficult time.  When the help required consists of concrete actions, such as running errands or making phone calls, we know what to do.  But sometimes we are called simply to hold space for the person as they go through whatever they need to go through. They may need to express anger or grief; they may need to talk or be silent.  They may need us to hold their hand; they may need us to give them time alone.  Whatever the case, when we hold space for someone, we offer ourselves up as a safe place for the overwhelming feelings they may be encountering due to their circumstances.

When we offer ourselves in this way, the more centered and grounded we are, the better.  We must remember to do the Gold Light Exercise to protect ourselves so we can be of service to them without injuring or collecting unwanted “stuff” that may be swirling around.  Our steadiness allows our companion to lean into us for support, as our presence provides an environment in which they can be free to move.  We can also help by being responsive, allowing them to dictate the flow of action from talking to not talking, from anger to grief, and back again.  By being aware and open and NEUTRAL, we can help them confront their feelings when that feels right, and back off from them when they need a break.  Holding space requires humility, conscientiousness and the ability to step out of the way, to honestly understand that this is not about us.

When we love someone in this way, we provide a space in which they can simply be.  This does not have to be a personal love; it can be a god-love.    They are able to feel what they need to feel without worrying about how they are being perceived.  We can provide this offering in person, over the phone or even through long-distance absentee healing.  Many times, we are asked to hold space for someone who is having surgery. However we do it, when we hold space for someone in need, we are offering a gift of the highest nature.  It is an honor to do this for someone… so if someone asks you to “hold” space for them… try it…

My guides were holding my space and my cup of coffee for me while I wrote this… now it is time for me to go claim them…. I am off…

2 thoughts on “How to help someone by “holding space””

  1. Your last sentence there about your guides holding the coffee made me realize we don’t have to be all serious and heavy about holding this space, right? We could do it lightly and perhaps joyously? I think that might be how I’d like space held for me…

  2. It just intrigues me, Diane, that as you write these pieces, you will say something that I’ve not heard you say before before when we’ve discussed a topic. Thank you for continuing to write!

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