We’ve arrived at a point where we say we have value, but my question to you is… do you act like you have value? This is not about being cocky or ego eccentric… this is about claiming your “space”… It is about setting boundaries – boundaries that are right for YOU… No one else can set boundaries for you, only you will know what is right for you.
As I have repeatedly said, value is an issue I have been dealing with – starting out when I was very young with my mom (because of a brain tumor which took “out” her short term memory) never really “bonded” with me… so early on, I had a core belief of not having value (how could I?). I tried very hard not to “rattle” any cages and behave in such a way that I would be “allowed” to stay here. I remember begging God “not to make me die”. I am not saying this to get any sympathy or empathy from you.. just stating facts about how a core belief could affect a person.
I would always go to the back of any line – making sure everyone was taken care of – from getting drinks at a water fountain to lunch lines… this behavior wasn’t so folks would like me, it was because they deserved to eat and drink before me. I am not saying this for sympathy or empathy… do please do not try to psychoanalyze me. I just didn’t have a “place”.
Things came to a head a couple of years ago when I was taking some sort of a seminar (the name and actual content escapes me – which really doesn’t matter anyway)… about releasing emotions, etc. The seminar was held in the evenings from 5 until 1 or 2 in the morning… as discussions took place, I would wait patiently for my “turn” to talk… never, of course, letting anyone know I wanted to talk. Folks kept yammering away, often butting in on each other. As I drove home each evening, I would break into tears and feel, oh so sorry for myself. On the final night of class (I think 7th day)… we had a class “graduation”… where we were to bring something to “gift” another class member. It was supposed to be the most precious thing we owned…; something that meant a great deal to each individual. This was NOT to be symbolic, but actual. I took out and wrapped a locket that my dad gave to me that my mother (who died when I was four) had owned. There were photos of both my mom and dad (who died when I was 18) in the locket. It was the most precious things I possessed.
That evening I was chosen to distribute the gifts to the group. Yes, me… the one who hadn’t had a turn…. I spend a lot of time giving each gift to the person I thought it should go to… I gave my gift to a young man who had just lost his mom… When I opened my “gift”… last… (Again, I was last) I opened up a lump of coal… yes, really … a lump of coal. I burst into tears, but the teacher pointed out that I did this to myself… I got what I deserved… but in reality… what I thought I deserved…. Since then, I have been “working” on value… value of self. If I don’t speak up for myself, I am not a very good model to show others to speak for themselves, am I? If you don’t value YOU… then why should anyone else? So, how are you doing with this “value of self” issue?
Pretty heavy talking for so early in the morning… think I need some fortitude… coffee???? Now, that is somewhere I have lots of value.. I really do make GOOD coffee!!!!
Tomorrow I’m going to talk about “pies”… folks that perceive themselves as a “pie”.