Patience… can’t live with it… can’t live without it
Sometimes I think I was at the wrong bus stop when patience was handed out… or by the time I was born (I am the 4th child) that all the allotment for patience was used up. This is NOT news to me or anyone who knows me… I have very little patience.. nada.. zip, possessing none. Lately I have realized that this isn’t’ entirely true… I have a great deal of patience for others… when I was a teacher… I had the patience of Job (and did he really have any???).. I have lots of patience with the grandkids… had it with my kids when they were growing up… have it with our clients… BUT when it comes to me… 100% the other way… doesn’t exist for me. Today was just one of those days… you know the kind of day that kinda springs up on a person… I was euphoric when I finally decided to start being honest with myself and folks around me… when I finished and clicked on yesterday’s blog… I did a happy dance. As the day progressed, I tried to figure out how to link the blog to facebook and twitter… This should be easy.. probably is for someone who grew up in the computer generation or for you “smart” folks… Sean (again, our son) told me I had to make my next goal that I quit “downing” myself… (remember I am a work in progress)… although that is a good goal, I think I need to break that very lofty goal into actionable segments… perhaps, trying to remember to breathe before I say something negative about how “dumb” I am… then, perhaps.. actually not say… the “dumb” thing… So, yes, I will be working on that.
Anyway, between Sean and our friend Ted, they very patiently helped me through the process… I think I am connected and have linked them all…(I am actually afraid to check…) Now, the next frontier is … Loren setting up his jewelry (healing jewelry) blog… Then we start all over again….. wonder where on the patience scale I will be when we go through that? Breathe, breathe, breathe….
So here we are another day… I wrote all the above late yesterday just to try to gain some sanity… and try to figure out why a perfectly good, actually great day just “fell” apart. Going into an old pattern, I was positive it was because I had done something wrong. You see, I “had” an old belief that if anything went wrong around me, I (you know the world revolves around me) must be the cause. I really thought I’d made good progress on this old “core” belief… but I guess I really slipped yesterday….. You know the 2 steps forward, one back??? So finally, I just gave up… wrote a bit, grabbed a good mystery, and settled into the evening. Peace, centeredness, calmness seeped through me… so easy… giving in…..
Believe it or not, today I am still calm…. All the uneasy feelings – gone – poof – not here…. I just turned on the news while doing my exercises…. Guess what? Another earthquake (3:30 this morning)…. So everything made sense again… Again, earth changes… again, some sort of “corrections” being implemented into our environment… When will I ever learn to check in with the “crap” that is going on to see if the feelings belong to me or if I am picking something up “outside” of me? Like I said, 2 steps forward, one back…. I believe I got the message… and with it some new goals (one being quitting thinking everything is my fault… and again be reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around me…) I am ready to face another day… are you? Today – Kona coffee, mild blend… Ted? Ted? Ted? (If you don’t get that it is really Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? From Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)…. I really do need some caffeine and perhaps some sanity….